Making Friends with the Residents

I work in the OR. Rule number one in that world: Make the Surgeon happy. They can be mean and scary. They will throw instruments and curse at you. They live by a pecking order and if you don’t rank high enough, they will make your life miserable.

Being in the medical field in the Military sets you apart from the regular caste system of the Hospital pecking order.  Normally, it looks something like this:

Being in the Military sets us apart. I can say with honesty I’ve never been yelled at, belittled or pushed around… AFTER I tell them I’m with the Navy. Before, I got a lot of “Who the Hell are you and why are you in this Operating Room?”, “Hey Asshole, are you new?”, and who could forget “NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO! You are so wrong!”.

Now, when I walk into the OR, the first thing out of my mouth is “Hi, I’m in the Navy and I could very well be deployed to Afghanistan to work on blown-up Soldiers and Marines so I’m going to need you to be extra nice and explain everything to me like I’m four. Also, it’s my first day.”

The mood in the OR immediately shifts. The surgeon is delighted to have me. “Please, retract this Hepatic Artery and get a good look at the Duodenum, you’ll need to know these things when you are saving lives in Afghanistan, what is it like in the Navy?, How long have you been in? Aren’t you a little tall to be on a ship? Ha ha ha!”

Because I am no longer a target for the Surgeon’s rage, it turns to one place and one place only. His Resident. Because the thing about the Hospital pecking order is, it actually looks like this:

They are treated worse than a Boot-Camp Sailor with a speech impediment. They are always wrong. They are trash. They are worthless. I feel bad for them. My friend Boddy was working with one and he dropped an instrument on the floor. Boddy apologized immediately. The Resident? He said “It’s OK. I’m a piece of Shit”.

Spring Reading

Much of Navy life revolves around a “hurry up and wait” mentality. We had literally thousands of pages of information to absorb to get through Corps School in the allotted time. Same here at “C” school. But we only get the material when we “class up” (start class), so when we are stuck on hold for months at a time it’s hard to shut down that section of your brain that’s responsible for mass information input.

When not actively in class, I kept my brain occupied by reading. A LOT. If you are looking to pick up a book, below are some recommendations.

A good read, but a bit high-brow for me. You’ll like it if you’re the literary-critic type, you can pick apart the symbolism for days.

Read it if you like: Family Ties, Horses Who Know When They’re Being Tricked, Blue-Eyed Babies Who Lift Curses, Poison That Runs In The Veins Of A Plant And The Veins Of Your Kin, The South, Magic, Teen Pregnancy.

Another amazing book. I liked World War Z more, but only because it was about things I already liked (International Relations, Complaining About the Military). Regardless, it’s still a five ! out of five ! book.

It is NOT an easy read! It’s dense and no lie, the author is a weird guy. He goes on strange tangents.

I would recommend this book if you like: Complaining About the Military, WWII, Nazis, Code Breaking, The Philippines, Computer Hacking, Gold Doubloons, Navy Officers Who Are Idiot Savants,  Going Back And Forth In Time, Computers.

 

When I'm bored, this is where my mind goes

 I miss my ponies. I loved growing up with my horse, Axle, in my backyard. It is my most sincere desire to finish up with the Navy and have that again. I may google other breeds of horse and fantasize about owning them, but I know in my heart, my future horse will be an abused Thoroughbred off the racetrack… just like Axle.

Thoroughbreds are best known for being racehorses.

That is what they were bred for, and they've been at if for a while.

They are a great all-purpose horse, and we use them to play polo!

Now I just have to work on getting out of the Navy, getting some abused Thoroghbreds and moving them here:

To be more specific, Here:

(Big Island, Hawaii)

How to include your family in your Navy experience: Mail Call

Have your neighbor collect all your mail for a month, read your magazines, and randomly lose every 5th item before delivering it to you.

How to include your family in your Navy experience: Hygiene

On Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, turn your water heater temperature up to 200 degrees. On Tuesdays and Thursdays, turn the water heater off. On Saturdays and Sundays tell your family they use too much water during the week, so no bathing will be allowed.

Spring Reading

Much of Navy life revolves around a “hurry up and wait” mentality. We had literally thousands of pages of information to absorb to get through Corps School in the allotted time. Same here at “C” school. But we only get the material when we “class up” (start class), so when we are stuck on hold for months at a time it’s hard to shut down that section of your brain that’s responsible for mass information input.

When not actively in class, I kept my brain occupied by reading. A LOT. If you are looking to pick up a book, here are some recommendations.

As you can see, it gets five out of five stars! Amazing book! It took everything I liked about being an International Relations major in college and then added Zombies. What’s not to like? This was the best book I’ve read in the last six years.

It is incredibly well researched.  From the military slang and minutia (Zombie-proof Battle Dress Uniforms?!?) to the hyper-xenophobia indicative of North Korean foreign policy, the author put in the TIME!

I would recommend this book if you like: International Relations, Public Health Scares, Zombies, Complaining About the Military, Whales, Blind Japanese Guys Who Are Awesome, Marines, Psychology, The Chinese Navy, Hard Choices, Dogs, Zombies As A Metaphor For the Recession.

WORDGLOSS: A CULTURAL LEXICON

Only gets 4 stars as it’s more of an encyclopedia than literary work. It’s outstanding to read in chunks in between other tasks.

If you like: Etymology. This is different from Entomology. Which I learned in this book of Etymology.   

 

How to include your family in your Navy experience: Coffee

Make coffee using eighteen scoops of budget priced coffee grounds per pot; let the pot simmer for 5 hours before drinking.

How to include your family in your Navy experience: Watch

Place a podium at the end of your driveway. Have your family stand watches at the podium, rotating at 4 hour intervals. This is best done when the weather is worst. January is a good time.

How to include your family in your Navy experience: Situational Readiness

When your children are in bed, run into their room with a megaphone shouting that your home is under attack and ordering them to their battle stations, shouting, "Now general quarters, general quarters, all hands man your battle stations!"

Alternatively, set your alarm clock to go off at random during the night. At the alarm, jump up and dress as fast as you can, making sure to button your top shirt button and tuck your pants into your socks. Run out into the backyard and uncoil the garden hose.

Time them on getting to their respective stations. Then tell them it was only a drill and if this were the real thing, they would be dead.

How to include your family in your Navy experience: Food

Post a menu on the kitchen door informing your family that they are having steak for dinner. Then make them wait in line for an hour. When you finally get to the kitchen, tell them you are out of steak, but they can have dried ham or hot dogs. Repeat daily until they ignore the menu and just ask for hot dogs.

Also, make your family menu a week ahead of time without consulting the pantry or refrigerator.

Our new thing

It’s hard to keep your spirits up sometimes. Thankfully, I’m not alone here. My shipmates are my rocks. We invent funny things as coping mechanisms to deal with being here. This is one of them…

Take the above quote by LT Aldo Reins (Brad Pitt), and start applying it to everyday situations (MUST DO IT IN AN ACCENT!).

Examples:

“I didn’t come down from the Got-Damned Smokey Mountains of Tennessee, ‘cross 5,000 miles of water, fight my way through half of Sicily, and jump out of a fuckin’  Areo-plane to phone muster at 0500”

“I didn’t come down from the Got-Damned Smokey Mountains of Tennessee, ‘cross 5,000 miles of water, fight my way through half of Sicily,  and jump out of a fuckin’ Areo-plane to  do nothing in a classroom for 8 hours”

Try it out. I think you'll feel better.

In good company

I'm not really the "Military-Type", but I guess you don't have to be to serve in the Navy!
Other people who have served in the Navy that you would not have guessed...

These guys! Jack Lemmon and Tony Curtis

Bill Cosby. Yes, THAT Bill Cosby. And he was a Corpsman!

Humphrey Bogart. Enlisted in WWI. Yes. He. Did.

David Lee Roth of Van Halen. Got kicked out for smoking pot. Duh.

Ron Moore. Writer of BSG and Star Trek. Inventer of the Borg. He's also from Chowchilla. So really, it's like these guys have served in the Navy as well...

 And these guys...

Matt Groening (Speculative). Creator of The Simpons. Scuttlebutt has it, he was a Nuke and the experience was the inspiration for Homer and his workplace, while the CO (a Rear Admiral... yes, that is what they are called) was the inspiration for Mr. Burns. Also, creator of Futurama. 

This pretty lady.. she is also a Corpsman. Shocking, yes?

Kirk Douglas

Speaking of Kirk's, I forgot to include the most famous (future) member of the Navy....

Also, this guy:

Life at METC as told through Futurama clips

 

We’re currently on our clinical rotations. I have nothing but lovely things to say about our Chain of Command in regards to their genuine concern that we come out of here the best darn Surg Techs in the Fleet. Really, they bend over backwards and go the extra mile to ensure we are getting the best possible education and experience.

That being said. We keep rotating our Clinical slots. Day shifts to Night Shifts to This Hospital to That Hospital yes you still have to Stand Watch and go to PT! It’s a bit wearing on the nerves. Kinda like this:

“When do we pick orders?” is a common question here. It’s what we’ve all been working so hard toward. Our light at the end of the proverbial tunnel. Tragically, we can’t get a straight answer out of anyone. It’s not that the Command is withholding information: they just really have no idea. But instead of manning up and saying “I’m sorry Sailor, it’s a new Command and everything is a little jumbled. We have no clue what your future holds, even though the next two years of your life will be determined within the next month.”, we get the runaround. Just replace "Planet Express" with "Orders" and it kinda goes something like this:

On the plus side, we aren’t Army. They have 0 say in where they wind up. My control issues would really flair up at the thought of that.

We live next to the 68 Whiskey barracks (I don’t know Army slang, but it’s where the Army Combat Medics live), so we see what the Army goes through. It’s shocking. A completely different world from Navy-land. We may bitch and moan, but in general, we’re all quite happy to be here. All the Army personnel I’ve spoken to have a similar story: “I just wanted money for college, I didn’t know it would be like this”, “I can’t believe I signed 8 years of my life away without really thinking it through”. Kinda like this:





Exhaustion.

The Navy is no Army, that’s for sure! But it’s still tiring. Many of us rely on copious amounts of coffee to get us through our day, functioning like anything close to a human being. The Navy and coffee have a special relationship. It’s mentioned in our songs:

“They say that in the Navy, the coffee’s mighty fine”

“It looks like muddy water, and tastes like turpentine”

It’s considered bad luck to wash the coffee ring out of a Chief’s coffee mug. You can only walk around in uniform drinking water… or coffee. We have it brewing in the classrooms because our schedules are so jam-packed (Watch, Duty, Mando PT, Mando Fun, What had happed was), but we still need to be alert to learn. 

 But something happens when you’re going on NO sleep and 100 cups of coffee a day.

Time slows down.

Your pupils dilate.

You’ve gone so far beyond exhaustion, time and space have actually looped back around and now your mind is an acute tool, a finely tuned instrument able to absorb anything and function at a higher level of intelligence. 

 Commands are given, but your mind is moving so fast, you know what is coming next. You’re holding the tool the Surgeon needs before he says it. Instead of fumbling with blood-soaked needles, you smoothly hand them the next suture. You are ahead of the game! No, you’re outside the game. You’re floating above yourself, watching. It’s a trip. And it really happens. I would say its “kinda like this”, but it’s not. ITS EXACTLY LIKE THIS:





LEADERSHIP

As I’ve said previously, I have nothing but great things to say about our Chain of Command. They care. They are genuinely interested in our work and progress.

Our Watch leadership on the other hand… arg! They keep changing the game like it’s for our betterment. First watch was 24 hours, once a month. Then, it’s once every 9 days at a random time with random mustering. Now, you can’t leave the barracks if you’re on watch.

It’s not the fact it keeps changing. It’s the fact they’re so pedantic about it. They speak down to us like they are doing us a huge favor, changing the watchbill.

Also, the Watch leaderships HAS NO IDEA about what our Clinical rotations are like, so when they lecture us on the Plan of the Day (literally, the schedule for that day), it’s painfully obvious they have no idea what is going on.  Like this:





But that is the difference between “Big Navy”(see sidebar) and a Chain of Command. I know that our Captain is personally horrified by the fact that METC wants us to learn how to do surgery on 3 hours of sleep. But he has no choice. He is a cog in our Chain of Command, and METC is a “Big Navy” Command. When our COC tells us to do something, it usually makes sense.

Watch is part of METC. METC is a part of “Big Navy”. Our COC expects us to put in 110%. We do. Gladly. Our COC expects us to work hard. We do. Gladly. We’re all in this together. “Big Navy” expects us to blindly obey and then threatens us with consequences like docked pay (see previous post).  Big Navy is a Hypnotoad. Kinda like this:



Don't Ask, Don't Tell

So first off, there’s THIS: http://abcnews.go.com/Politics/dont-navy-discharge-sailor-falling-asleep-bed-man/story?id=13085487

If you can’t be bothered to read the article, in summation, “What had happed was…” (see side bar) two Sailors were watching a movie together on a bed in the barracks. They fell asleep. They woke up only when a roommate came in after getting off of watch at balls (midnight).

I HIGHLY recommend reading the article. If you do, I think you can agree with me that the major issue in this story is not two men falling asleep in the same bed. The larger issues are: 1) two men were watching Vampire Diaries , 2) the ABC reporter actually refers to them as “sleepy sailors”, and 3) the men were cited with dereliction of duty for "willfully failing to exhibit professional conduct in his room”.

Issues one and two are humorous, but I really do have a problem with issue number three.

 As far as “homosexual activity” is concerned, with the repeal of “DON’T ASK DON’T TELL”, I’m not sure they can charge these men with anything of that nature… not that I’m saying this was indeed “homosexual activity”, far from it. It’s just two sleepy sailors, watching a movie in a twin bed on the weekend: that’s my current life. 

 So the Navy is essentially telling me I can’t snuggle  in bed with my friend Strothers (also female) and watch Spartacus: Blood and Sand with the curtains drawn on a Saturday? WHAT?!? Also, we are on drugs. Not illegal ones! I was prescribed a sh!t ton of a military/industrial strength Elephant muscle relaxer for my Posterior Tibial Tendonitis, while my friend is on a steady stream of pain killers for a medical issue. If I were brought up on these charges, I’d be fighting it all the way to the top and speaking to the media. We are not doing anything against the rules. There is no alcohol involved. The drugs are prescribed to each of us respectively, and we are not sharing them. On a side note, this is what it’s like when I take my prescription and decide I want to talk to Neal:

My issue is that these men were alone, in their room, not on duty, not doing anything technically wrong. It is described by the Sailors lawyer as “a bizarre overreaction”.  I agree. I feel that there is much latent agitation over the repeal of DADT and the Navy is grasping at straws. They cannot be brought up on Homosexual charges, as being homosexual in the Navy is no longer verboten. Sexual activity is against the rules (gay or straight), but the roommate who turned them in could not attest to anything of a sexual nature. Charging them with “dereliction of duty” is a stretch at best. Plus, we have been told repeatedly by our Chain of Command: “Hey guys, DADT is over so if you have a gay roommate, get over it. Also, you’d better be fu#king cool with homosexuals from now on or we will have a problem. That is all.” So the Navy telling us one thing, and then having a “bizarre overreaction” to another is frustrating.

Additionally, while I don’t speak for everyone in the Navy, I can say with sincerity I have yet to meet anyone in it who has a real problem serving alongside anyone who identifies with the gay community. Maybe because we’re the Navy and we should be used to it? Just kidding! There are jokes floating around about the Navy being the most accepting of the fall of DADT because of ship life (IT’S NOT GAY IF IT’S UNDERWWAY!).  But really, I think it’s just because Navy life is EXHAUSTING, so exhausting! When I’ve been up for 28 hours, on watch, PT-ing (see sidebar) and you are my relief… it’s hard to care if you’re gay. Or African American. Or really, really in to Anime. Personal prejudices tend to fall by the wayside when you need your shipmate to help you out.

No one I’ve met in the Navy has cared if they work alongside members of the gay community; we care a lot more that a person shows up on time and does their job.

The coolest thing I've ever seen...

The Whipple
A pancreaticoduodenectomy is often referred to as a Whipple procedure. It is a major surgical operation involving the pancreas, duodenum, and other organs. This operation is performed to treat cancerous tumors on the head of the pancreas, malignant tumors involving common bile duct or duodenum near the pancreas.

In the case I assisted in, the patient had already undergone a radical gastrectomy (removal of the stomach). There were several large tumors on the patients pancreas, as well as malignancies on the patients duodenum (the first part of the small intestine). This particular case involved the removal of a major portion of the pancreas and the complete removal of the duodenum, leading to the anastomosis (to join together two hollow organs) of the jejunum (the middle part of the small intestine) to the common bile duct.

I was lucky to be chosen as part of the team, as these cases are so very rare. It was a thrilling experience and I’m glad to have had the opportunity!



A real-life picture, below:

Sorry if this grosses anyone out, but this is what it looked like... and it was SUPER COOL!

This is a pretty good play-by-play of the procedure, but you'll have to picture it without the stomach for the case I was in on. The patient had a long history of cancer.

I'll try to get pictures of me in the OR, but there is an awful lot of red tape!



Patent Ductus Arteriosus

This defect allows blood to mix between the pulmonary artery and the aorta.  Before birth an open passageway (the ductus arteriosus) exists between these two blood vessels.  Normally this closes within a few hours of birth.  When this doesn't happen, some blood that should flow through the aorta and on to nourish the body returns to the lungs.  A ductus that doesn't close is quite common in premature infants but rather rare in full-term babies.

If the ductus arteriosus is large, a child may tire quickly, grow slowly, catch pneumonia easily and breathe rapidly.  In some children symptoms may not occur until after the first weeks or months of life.  If the ductus arteriosus is small, the child seems well.  If surgery is needed, the surgeon can close the ductus arteriosus by tying it, without opening the heart.  If there's no other defect, this restores the circulation to normal.

Unfortunately for our little patient, the ductus arteriosus was QUITE large and required open heart surgery. The patient was three days old. Tiny, tiny rib spreader. Tiny, tiny suture. But the patient made a full recovery and is now home with mom and dad!

This was my first open-heart surgery. It was incredible. Really intensive. The procedure required a full cardiopulmonary bypass and the heart was stopped for a full 20 minutes!

Tiny! Don't worry, the patient is doing great, and is back at home by now.

The lost pictures

It’s easy to forget that my life was actually good before I came to METC. It’ll be good again when I leave, but until that sweet day delivers me from this place, I have to remind myself that I used to be happy. Also, I found the lost Africa pictures!

Africa!

Harvard

Boston... looking good.

From Russia, with love.

Outside of Moscow

Home

Sweet Home

Venice

My favorite picture from Italy

Florence, Italy

Ciao, Ciao Florence!

More and more reasons for me to be stationed in Italy!

If I had only joined the Army, I could be stationed in Germany! On second thought, I'll just go back and visit.

To this day I cannot translate these steps. My German is only good enough to order a beer.

Good German beer, waiting on good German Schitzel.

A sunny day in Germany

In Strousbourg, France

Waiting for that AMAZING Winestub to open in Strousbourg, France

Everything, including windows, is better in France

Everything, including the food, is better in France

I told you the windows were better in France! They are the best in Paris.

Not all it was cracked up to be.

The Catabombs of Paris

Amsterdam

Where else but Amsterdam? STILL funny!

Ah, that's right! I forgot we did this in Boston...

Fenway Park

I REALLY miss this place.

Chicago

Millenium Park in Chicago

(The Bean!)

Reflection in The Bean

Polo Ponies!!!

My favorite Pony

Ok, she's my favorite Polo Pony too! Don't ask me to choose!

I wish I could smell this picture: Leather, Horse Sweat, Hay. Smells like home.

Yosemite? NO! Hawaii. North Hilo.

Hawaiin Jungle. I swear I'll take more and better pictures next time I'm there, but since Neal moved there, it doesn't feel exotic anymore so I forget that it's still an amazing place!

This is from METC... it's not even that long ago but look how not-stressed out I look!

Also not that long ago... a visit to Berkeley and Sarah.

My friend Castro and I, looking angry for some reason.

Oh my, what an attractive hair cut. Just outside of Chicago.

This is from METC, but we had not started classes yet. That's why we look happy. Also, MULES!

Halloween at METC

I just have to remember: METC will end. It will. It will?